some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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