I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
