I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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