Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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