there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
