Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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