You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
