Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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