mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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