My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
