she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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