I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
