Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
