I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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