Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
