she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
