Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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