I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm really busy with my period
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