at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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