What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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