Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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