The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
