Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
