so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
