I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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