I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
