I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize