oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ttyl tear gas
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I deserve this hangover.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
