battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
