oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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