Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize