There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
