it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize