I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
