Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it because I queefed?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
