yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
