Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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