the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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