You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
