If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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