On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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