Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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