dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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