Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize