your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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