had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
