do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
