You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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