I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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