Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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