my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A+ Viking dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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