i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
