she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
