okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize