Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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