I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize