looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
