what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
