My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
