i just wanna soil my oats bro
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
