My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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