Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
