Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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