One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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