I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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