How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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