i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize