gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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