Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
