why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
