just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
